Start and Hold a Conversation Like a Man

Start and Hold a Conversation Like a Man

I recently watched a brilliant YouTube video of Nick Sparks giving a presentation at the 21 Convention called “How to Hold a Conversation Like a Man”. It’s a great talk about how to start and lead conversations with women you are meeting for the first time and I really recommend that you watch it. However, if you do not have an hour to spare, you can read my thoughts on it below. One of the biggest stumbling blocks for guys when meeting women is the conversation. A lot of guys feel that they don’t know what to say and some guys don’t know when to shut up. At some point men started to believe that they are entirely responsible for the conversation they have with a woman. They feel that they need clever opening lines and hilarious and witty things to say at all times. That’s a lot of pressure so it’s no wonder that guys freeze up. What men have forgotten somewhere along the way is that conversation is a two way street. In other words, both parties have to contribute to the conversation in order for it to exist. Otherwise, you become some kind of entertainer and I don’t see why you would want to go around entertaining strangers, unless you are getting paid for it. Besides, how can you possibly know everything you are going to say to a person that you know absolutely nothing about, in advance of meeting them. You figure that out along the way. Nick would tell you that the best opening line is “Hey”. As he explains it, you can start by... read more
2 Ways That Being Too Good With Women Will Sabotage Your Results With Them

2 Ways That Being Too Good With Women Will Sabotage Your Results With Them

As men, we always strive to be better with women but it never occurs to us that being too good can actually sabotage the results we seek. As you strive to be confident, charismatic, smooth and just plain cool, realize how this can actually backfire: 1) Women Can Be Insecure and Nervous Around The Guys They Like We are so obsessed with appearing confident that we don’t stop to think that women also have their insecurities. Just like men can get nervous around an attractive girl, women can get self-conscious and nervous around guys they like. If you are too cool for school then that may involuntarily lead her to blow you off on the grounds that she feels like she just can’t measure up. 2) If You Are Too Smooth, She Won’t Trust You If you are too smooth she may think that you are just a ladies man who is like that around all women. In other words she will feel like your attraction for her is not authentic and that you are just playing her in order to add to a pile of hollow conquests. It doesn’t matter whether this is actually true or not; it’s what she perceives. She’ll have fun being in your company but she won’t trust you and she probably won’t sleep with you. How do you know if this is happening to you? It’s quite easy. She will be smitten, she will be all smiles and want to be in your company but she won’t trust you. For instance, she might flirt and be clearly turned on but she just won’t... read more
Are You a Tease or Just an Asshole?

Are You a Tease or Just an Asshole?

I feel like this subject has been beat to death and yet the fact that so many guys continue to make the same mistake serves as evidence to the contrary. I am talking about an invention of the pickup community known as the neg. If you are not familiar with it, the neg is a negative comment made to a girl that you are actually interested in, in order to attract her. Presently, there are legions of men roaming through bars, dissing women. It is particularly sad to see a guy dish out an insult to a friendly girl, who up until that moment was actually into him. It happens too often. So what is the reasoning behind this behavior? The thinking is that by making a negative comment, the man will bring down the woman’s self-esteem thereby making her seek his validation in order to regain it. Here is a funny blog post written by a guy who conducted an unscientific, real-world experiment on the effectiveness of this technique. The bottom line is that it is manipulative, hurtful and mean. But it does occasionally work: on insecure women with already low self-esteem. And what does it say about the guy doing it? People who drag other people down typically do so as a way of masking their own insecurities. If you are confident man, who respects himself and leads his life with integrity, then you wouldn’t be interested in this technique nor the women that it may attract. Rather than dish out insults, a healthier and more effective approach would be to tease the girl in a way that you... read more
5 Reasons Why I Quit Online Dating and Never Looked Back

5 Reasons Why I Quit Online Dating and Never Looked Back

Admittedly, this is a biased post but having tried various online platforms over the course of several years with mixed results, I eventually shut it down and never looked back. I was recently reminded why. I briefly dated a girl who was very active on Plenty of Fish and equally unhappy with her results. Being an attractive girl, in a cosmopolitan city and receiving messages from more than 100 guys per week, I could not believe that there weren’t any good options for her. Yet that is what she claimed. One night, when we were out, she received a message from a new guy and just for fun, decided to share it with me. She looked repulsed as she handed me her phone and said: “You see what I have to deal with?” She claimed that his message was lame, that he wasn’t good looking and that he was too short. His message was a brief compliment on her smile, he wasn’t batting out of his league looks-wise and he was 5’10” (2-3” taller than her). Perhaps unspectacular on first impression, but certainly underserving of that reaction. Plus she didn’t even read his profile. After I systematically challenged each of her arguments, she finally blurted out: “well he doesn’t meet my checklist!” Perfect place to start: Online, Women are Often Too Concerned with Their “Check List” This is based purely on anecdotal evidence but having had this conversation with many women, I have yet to meet one who doesn’t have a “checklist”. You can’t blame her. If she is receiving messages from hundreds of guys, she needs some kind of system to screen... read more
Avoid Rejection with This One Simple Tool

Avoid Rejection with This One Simple Tool

Titles like this are typically used to bait you into clicking on the link but fail to deliver on the stated promise. But I am no liar so I will give you what you’re looking for. Although, I have to say that I don’t encourage anyone to go through life avoiding rejection. If you are not getting rejected in your dating life or in other areas of your life, it means that you are playing it safe and not living to your potential. I recorded a great episode with international phenomenon, Jason Comely, on how to overcome fear of rejection and live a more full life; list to it here. With that said, if you still want a more sure fire method for approaching women that will lead to a yes, here it is: approach women who are already attracted to you. I can already hear the objections but stay with me. You might be thinking: How do I know if a woman is attracted to me before I approach her? I am not good looking enough. Women are not attracted to me. I don’t like the women who are attracted to me. Let’s talk about each of these: How Do I Know If A Woman Is Attracted To Me? Women give off clues that they are interested in you all the time, but they are usually subtle. I’ll give you two common ones that are easy to spot. The first is if she makes direct eye-contact and holds it or coyly looks away. Note that looking away coyly is not the same as looking away with indifference. The... read more

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