15| The 10 Emotional Needs of Women w/ Frank Kermit Part 1 of 2

15| The 10 Emotional Needs of Women w/ Frank Kermit Part 1 of 2

 Quote From the Episode:

“Our life callings are always in our moments of crises. With every moment of crises there is something for all of us to learn”

– Frank Kermit

About Frank Kermit:

There is a lot to be said about Frank Kermit. Just the fact that he is considered the coaches’ coach, speaks volumes. Frank is a Dating and Relationship expert, a Certified Trauma Counsellor, Certified Hypnotherapist, the author of numerous books, columnist and a regular presence in the media. He is a man with a big heart who is truly out to help people. His personal life story is one of pain, perseverance, giving, triumph and inspiration.

The Highlights:

  • Emotional needs are what a person responds to, not what they like or even what is good for them.
  • A person’s unique emotional needs are formulated by the way that they learned to survive in childhood.
  • A woman can only play one of two roles in a man’s life: the mother or the lover. She cannot be both.
  • The first five of the ten emotional needs of women:
  1. Protection of reputation
  2. Emotional Range
  3. Cater to the Little Girl
  4. Dominance/Assertiveness
  5. Fear of Abandonment

Show Summary:

Parts 1 and 2 of this episode are about the emotional needs of women and how men can address them in order to create and maintain attraction. Frank Kermit has grouped these needs into ten distinct categories, which are highly interrelated so parts 1 and 2 of this episode should be listened to in sequence.

There are two critical concepts underpinning these emotional needs. First, it must be understood that emotional needs are what a person responds to, not what they like or what is even good for them. This is typically formulated by the way we learn to survive as children.

The second concept, when looking at the emotional needs of women is Frank’s “Mother Lover Theory”. The idea is that a woman can only play one of two roles in a man’s life. When he violates one of these ten emotional needs, he evokes the mothering instinct, when he meets them, he evokes the lover. The first five needs, covered in this Part 1 of this episode are as follows:

1 – Protection of Her Reputation: Reputation is a person’s most valuable asset. The man must demonstrate that he protects his reputation as well as the reputation of all people. Even if he has been wronged by that person. Addressing this one specific behavior can completely change how women will treat a man.

2 – Emotional Range: Women tend to have greater emotional sophistication than men and are therefore able to handle them better. Experiencing a range of emotions, is what allows a woman to feel alive. Another word for emotional range is drama. How wide of an emotional range she needs to experience and whether it is healthy will vary from woman to woman. For a man to manage a relationship, he should first determine how much of an emotional range he can handle and then seek out a woman who gives him that level of emotional range or lower.

3 – Cater to The Little Girl: If a woman feels safe enough to feel like a little girl with you, she can relax and let go of her mothering instinct.

4 – Dominance/Assertiveness: Be able to make a decision and to set boundaries. Leaving the decision making to her, forces the woman into a mothering role. It is OK to ask for her opinion, but own the responsibility for deciding.

5 – Fear of Abandonment: This is not about making life long commitments, which is unrealistic. Rather, she wants to know what she needs to do to earn your commitment. It is the predictability of knowing what it will take to keep you. Frank also explains how you can stop being with somebody without abandoning them.

Advice:

Tune into part 2 of this interview for Frank’s final words of advice.

Contact Frank Kermit:

Website: www.franktalks.com

Subscription Options:

If you enjoyed the episode then please subscribe, rate and review the show in one of the following podcast directories:

iTunes

Stitcher

TuneIn Radio

Comments:

If you have any comments, questions or suggestions regarding this episode, you can leave them below or email me directly at alec@mensdatingmastery.com.

14| Using Body Language to Create Attraction w/ Patty Contenta

14| Using Body Language to Create Attraction w/ Patty Contenta

Quote From the Episode:

“Charisma is the ability to leave someone with a better impression of themselves and of you”

– Frank Kermit

About Patty Contenta:

Patty Contenta is a professional ball room dancer, teacher and judge with over 25 years of experience. She uses her dance background to help people improve their body language by applying concepts from dance to movement in everyday life.

The Highlights:

How dance can help you improve your body language in daily life.

Bad posture, poor eye contact and nervous energy are among the biggest pitfalls for guys in the area of body language.

Being alpha is not just about appearing dominant it is also about being able to “vibe” with the other person.

Exude physical charisma by taking up more space, having a clam energy and observing.

Amply your charisma with social virtues, Appreciation, Connection, Elevating the Mood and Self-Expression (ACES).

The right way to build attraction through touch.

Practice being still as a first step to avoid overwhelming yourself with hundreds of potential body language cues all at once.

Do women judge how man is in the bedroom by the way he moves on the dance floor?

Show Summary:

This is an episode with a lot of very specific and actionable advice on improving and interpreting body language, giving good eye contact, exuding charisma and building attraction with women.

We start the conversation by talking about some of the most common pitfalls for guys when it comes to body language. These are poor posture, lack of eye contact and nervous energy which, causes guys to move around too much or fidget.

We discuss the notion of alpha males and how guys, in an effort to appear alpha, will overcompensate by dominating conversations or exuding erratic energy. In the process, this just makes them look like they are not socially attuned. A true alpha, aside from being strong, is a man who can make those around him feel comfortable. Patty points out that good communication, is not only about demonstrating confidence but also about “vibing” with the other person.

She also explains charisma, which she breaks down into physical characteristics and social virtues. On the physical side, charisma can ben exuded by taking up more physical space via good posture, having a calm energy and knowing how to hang back and observe. The social virtues, are neatly summed up with the acronym ACES, which Patty defines as follows:

A – Appreciation

C – Connection

E – Elevating the mood

S – Self Expression

We then discuss the importance of touch in building attraction and Patty provides very specific examples of how and when it can be used, including what to do when you are unsure if she is open to touch. Timing, watching for cues, context and where you touch are all factors that need to be kept in mind and Patty provides very specific guidance on these.

We discuss specific non-verbal cues that a woman may give a man as an invitation to approach or otherwise interact. These include how she holds her body, facial expressions and gestures, along with other signs.

Given that there are potentially hundreds of specific body language cues that a man can pay attention in himself and in others, we provide tips on how to best start making improvements in this area without getting overwhelmed. Patty advises that posture and afore mentioned social virtues alone will make a tremendous positive impact. In addition, to avoid feeling overwhelmed, one can start by being still, minimizing movement all together and then gradually introducing various body language elements one at a time.

To wrap up the conversation, Patty provides her take on whether it is true that women will judge how man is in the bedroom based on the way he moves on the dance floor. This might get a chuckle but the insight are real!

Advice:

If you focus on anything then focus on posture and developing your social virtues. If you are overwhelmed by the nuances of body language then start by being still and then introduce the various elements one at a time.

Contact Patty Contenta:

Website: www.sensualitysecrets.com

Email: patty@sensualitysecrets.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ThePattyContenta

Subscription Options:

If you enjoyed the episode then please subscribe, rate and review the show in one of the following podcast directories:

iTunes

Stitcher

TuneIn Radio

Comments:

If you have any comments, questions or suggestions regarding this episode, you can leave them below or email me directly at alec@mensdatingmastery.com.

13| Keeping the Sex Alive in Long-Term Relationships w/ Dr. Amy Muise

13| Keeping the Sex Alive in Long-Term Relationships w/ Dr. Amy Muise

About Dr. Amy Muise:

Dr. Amy Muise holds a PhD in Social Psychology and is a postdoctoral fellow in the Department of Psychology at the University of Toronto in Mississauga. Her research focuses on sexuality in the context of romantic relationships and in particular, on how people can maintain sexual desire and relationship satisfaction over time.

The Highlights:

  • Communal relationships are those where both partners are motivated to meet each other’s needs without the expectation of direct reciprocation. They are distinctly different from exchange relationships which function more like a business transaction.
  • Communal relationships have shown to result in stronger relationship satisfaction as well as better sex and higher levels of sexual desire over the long-term.
  • To be successful, a communal relationships must be driven by an approach goal mindset vs. and avoidance goal mindset.
  • Approach goals are situation when a person is motivated to meet their partner’s needs in order to achieve a positive outcome as opposed to trying avoid a negative outcome which is avoidance goal.
  • Engaging in consensual non-monogamy can be an effective way for partners to meet their needs, if the relationship is based on a communal approach goal mindset.
  • Sexual desire tends to be higher early in the relationship due to higher levels of “self-expansion”, which declines with familiarity. Couples who engage in “self-expanding” activities have managed to keep relationship satisfaction and sexual desire high over the long-term.

Show Summary:

This episode is dedicated to keeping the sex alive in long-term relationships. The key, as Dr. Amy Muise explains, are communal relationships. Communal relationships are those in which both partners are motivated to meet each other’s needs without the expectation of direct reciprocation. This is necessarily different from exchange relationship in which partners give with the expectation of getting something in return and so are more like a business transaction.

In the context of sex, a relationship with high communal strength would mean that both partners are more willing to satisfy one another’s sexual needs. For instance, even if one partner is not in the mood, they may choose to engage in sex anyway, in order to satisfy their other partner’s needs. Research has found that this type of giving is beneficial not only for the receiving partner but also for the giver. Givers tend to feel more satisfied with the relationship, enjoy their sex life more and maintain higher levels of sexual desire over time.

Having a communal approach to relationships in and of itself is not enough, however. The motivation behind a partner’s giving behavior is integral to the relationship and sexual satisfaction ultimately experienced by the couple.  Motivation can be based on of two types of goals: 1) approach goals and 2) avoidance goals.

Approach goals are when a person has sex to pursue a positive outcome such as making their partner happy or increasing intimacy in a relationship. In contrast, avoidance goals are when a partner is trying avoid a negative outcome such as feelings of guilt or conflict. The former can increase satisfaction in a relationship while the latter may breed resentment. Communal relationships based on an approach goal mindset have even shown to be beneficial in relationships where partners have a chronic discrepancy in sexual desire.

In this episode we also explore the reasons for why sexual satisfaction tends to decline in long-term relationships as well as how the motivation for sex changes over time. One reason why sexual desire is high in a new relationship is because of a concept called “self-expansion” which is closely related to novelty. Early in the relationship, “self-expansion” is high because a new partner is helping you expand your sense of self and view of the world. This declines over time, as familiarity increases. However, by engaging in various “self-expanding” activities, some couples have found a way to keep their sexual spark alive over the long-term.

Advice:

Pay attention to and acknowledge your partner’s needs. Even if you do not meet them acknowledge it is more beneficial to the relationship over the long term then playing dumb or trying to avoid the situation. In addition, when engaging in sex, it is important to focus on the positive.

Resources:

Check out Dr. Amy Muise’s columns:

http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/sex-musings/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-passion-paradox

Contact Dr. Amy Muise:

www.amymuise.com

@AmyMuise

Subscription Options:

If you enjoyed the episode then please subscribe, rate and review the show in one of the following podcast directories:

iTunes

Stitcher

TuneIn Radio

Comments:

If you have any comments, questions or suggestions regarding this episode, you can leave them below or email me directly at alec@mensdatingmastery.com.

12| 7 Keys to Rocking Her World in Bed w/ Jim Benson (Part 2 of 2)

12| 7 Keys to Rocking Her World in Bed w/ Jim Benson (Part 2 of 2)

About Jim Benson:

Jim Benson is a sex and relationship coach who works with men, women and couples. He has a number of programs to help men improve their sex lives, leads men’s groups and provides one on one coaching. He even teaches Tantra teachers!

The Highlights:

The 7 keys to rocking her world in bed:

Part 1

1. Create safety and comfort before sex

2. Connect with your own desire

Part 2

3. Know your way around a woman’s body (i.e. know how to give her an orgasm)

4. Intimate two-way communication

5. Patience and attunement

6. Ejaculatory control and feeling your own pleasure

7. Drop your goal orientation

Show Summary:

Jim Benson created a system called the “7 Keys to Rocking Her World in Bed” to address the most common areas where men tend to need help pertaining to sexuality. In this two-part episode we cover the psychological, emotional, physical and technical aspects of being a good lover. We touch on everything from creating comfort and safety and developing the right mind frames; to giving orgasms and experiencing pleasure; to multiple male orgasms, ejaculatory control and transcendent sex. This is an in-depth episode with lots of resources and prescriptive tips to achieve improvements in this department.

Part 1:

Create safety and comfort before sex: Jim explains the feminine hierarchy of needs which is conceptually based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It addresses the physical and emotional needs of a woman in order to prime her for sex.

Connect with your own desire: To do so men often need to peel back their feelings of anxiety, shame and self-consciousness and then to act on that desire in a way that a woman can feel. Jim provides a variety of different techniques to achieve this.

Part 2:

Know your way around a woman’s body: Jim provides tips for learning how to give a woman orgasms and shares a free resource with specific techniques that you can use.

Intimate two-way communication: Have a direct conversation with her about your mutual turn-ons and turn-offs.

Patience and attunement: Women usually take longer to reach arousal. A general rule of thumb is to escalate only when she is begging for it.

Train yourself to have ejaculatory control and to feel your own pleasure: Jim talks about various physical and psychological techniques to last longer as well as about learning to have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms.

Drop Your Goal Orientation: Jim explains that by not focusing on a specific objective like the “money shot” for example, and learning to feel pleasure in the moment, men can have much better sexual experiences.

Advice:

Identify in which of the seven areas you may be lacking and use Jim’s suggestions for improving in that specific department.

Free Give Away:

Jim’s free audio on the “6 Ways to Make Her Orgasm”: http://www.jimbenson.net/the-six-ways/.

Resources:

Additional resources mentioned in the episode:

Contact Jim Benson:

www.jimbenson.net

Subscription Options:

If you enjoyed the episode then please subscribe, rate and review the show in one of the following podcast directories:

iTunes

Stitcher

TuneIn Radio

Comments:

If you have any comments, questions or suggestions regarding this episode, you can leave them below or email me directly at alec@mensdatingmastery.com.

11| 7 Keys to Rocking Her World in Bed w/ Jim Benson (Part 1 of 2)

11| 7 Keys to Rocking Her World in Bed w/ Jim Benson (Part 1 of 2)

About Jim Benson:

Jim Benson is a sex and relationship coach who works with men, women and couples. He has a number of programs to help men improve their sex lives, leads men’s groups and provides one on one coaching. He even teaches Tantra teachers!

The Highlights:

The 7 keys to rocking her world in bed:

 

Part 1

1. Create safety and comfort before sex

2. Connect with your own desire

 

Part 2

3. Know your way around a woman’s body (i.e. know how to give her an orgasm)

4. Intimate two-way communication

5. Patience and attunement

6. Ejaculatory control and feeling your own pleasure

7. Drop your goal orientation

Show Summary:

Jim Benson created a system called the “7 Keys to Rocking Her World in Bed” to address the most common areas where men tend to need help pertaining to sexuality. In this two-part episode we cover the psychological, emotional, physical and technical aspects of being a good lover. We touch on everything from creating comfort and safety and developing the right mind frames; to giving orgasms and experiencing pleasure; to multiple male orgasms, ejaculatory control and transcendent sex. This is an in-depth episode with lots of resources and prescriptive tips to achieve improvements in this department.

 

Part 1:

Create safety and comfort before sex: Jim explains the feminine hierarchy of needs which is conceptually based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It addresses the physical and emotional needs of a woman in order to prime her for sex.

Connect with your own desire: To do so men often need to peel back their feelings of anxiety, shame and self-consciousness and then to act on that desire in a way that a woman can feel. Jim provides a variety of different techniques to achieve this.

 

Part 2:

Know your way around a woman’s body: Jim provides tips for learning how to give a woman orgasms and shares a free resource with specific techniques that you can use.

Intimate two-way communication: Have a direct conversation with her about your mutual turn-ons and turn-offs.

Patience and attunement: Women usually take longer to reach arousal. A general rule of thumb is to escalate only when she is begging for it.

Train yourself to have ejaculatory control and to feel your own pleasure: Jim talks about various physical and psychological techniques to last longer as well as about learning to have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms.

Drop Your Goal Orientation: Jim explains that by not focusing on a specific objective like the “money shot” for example, and learning to feel pleasure in the moment, men can have much better sexual experiences.

Advice:

Identify in which of the seven areas you may be lacking and use Jim’s suggestions for improving in that specific department.

Free Give Away:

Jim’s free audio on the “6 Ways to Make Her Orgasm”: http://www.jimbenson.net/the-six-ways/.

Resources:

Additional resources mentioned in the episode:

Contact Jim Benson:

www.jimbenson.net

Subscription Options:

If you enjoyed the episode then please subscribe, rate and review the show in one of the following podcast directories:

iTunes

Stitcher

TuneIn Radio

Comments:

If you have any comments, questions or suggestions regarding this episode, you can leave them below or email me directly at alec@mensdatingmastery.com.

10| The Science Behind Porn Consumption: It’s Mostly Good w/ Dr. Nicole Prause

10| The Science Behind Porn Consumption: It’s Mostly Good w/ Dr. Nicole Prause

About Dr. Nicole Prause:

Dr. Nicole Prause is a Sexual Psychophysiologist who studies the connection between the brain and the genitalia, with a focus on understanding sexual motivation and how it affects people. She was an Associate Research Scientist at UCLA and currently heads a company that focusses on brain stimulation and treating sexual desire problems.

The Highlights:

Using science based research to debunk some of the commonly claimed side effects of porn consumption, including:

  • Erectile dysfunction in otherwise healthy men;
  • Decreased desire for real life sex partners;
  • Porn being addictive, like a drug;
  • Physical changes in the brain;
  • Breeding negative attitudes towards women, including violence;
  • Creating insecurities within men;
  • Becoming lazy and;
  • Decreased attraction to real life women.
  • We also discuss the possible benefits of watching porn and shifting cultural attitudes

Show Summary:

In recent years, there has been a lot of media coverage regarding the negative effects of watching pornography on men’s wellbeing. Porn addiction advocacy groups and “NoFap” movements are condemning porn in increasingly high numbers. But what are these claims based in? Are they rooted in science, anecdotal evidence or driven by the agenda of some advocacy group? I was fortunate to connect with Dr. Nicole Prause to discuss the science behind the matter. The findings were somewhat surprising and in most cases, contrary to what is propagated in the media.

Nicole and her colleague, Dr. James Pfaus, recently published a study called “Viewing Sexual Stimuli Associated with Greater Sexual Responsiveness, Not Erectile Dysfunction”. As you can guess, the study investigated whether porn consumption leads to erectile dysfunction and decreased desire for real life sex partners. These are two of the most commonly claimed detriments of porn consumption and arguably the scariest.

Shockingly, this was the first scientific study ever conducted on the subject so it should be no surprise that it has shown these claims to be false. Shortly after it was published, another unaffiliated study on the same topic was released with the same findings, further validating the results.

In addition to these findings, we also discuss how attitudes towards pornography are changing, as well as about some of potential benefits of watching porn.

We further expand the conversation by going through a list of other commonly quoted detriments of porn consumption and Nicole provides her take on each. Here is what we cover:

  • Whether porn addiction like drug addiction
  • Whether watching porn physically alters the brain
  • Whether watching porn leads men who watch more and more extreme versions of it, ultimately resulting in negative behavior towards women, including violence
  • Whether porn makes men insecure, driving them even deeper into porn use and away from real life women
  • Whether porn makes you lazy; instead of going out to meet women, are you more likely to just stay at home and masturbate?
  • Whether watching porn makes you less attracted to real women because you begin to formulate some porn-based ideal that is disassociated from reality

Nicole has more than ten years of research backing her answers and since there is so little scientific research conducted on this topic, you are not likely to find this information anywhere else.

Participate in Dr. Nicole Prause’s Next Study:

Nicole is gearing up to conduct clinical trials on using brain stimulation to alter sexual desire levels. If you are in the Los Angeles area and are curious about this study or want to participate, please visit http://liberoscenter.com/.

Listening Options:

If you enjoyed the episode then please subscribe, rate and review the show in one of the following podcast directories:

iTunes

Stitcher

TuneIn Radio

Comments:

If you have any comments, questions or suggestions regarding this episode, you can leave them below or email me directly at alec@mensdatingmastery.com.