I feel like this subject has been beat to death and yet the fact that so many guys continue to make the same mistake serves as evidence to the contrary. I am talking about an invention of the pickup community known as the neg.
If you are not familiar with it, the neg is a negative comment made to a girl that you are actually interested in, in order to attract her. Presently, there are legions of men roaming through bars, dissing women. It is particularly sad to see a guy dish out an insult to a friendly girl, who up until that moment was actually into him. It happens too often.
So what is the reasoning behind this behavior? The thinking is that by making a negative comment, the man will bring down the woman’s self-esteem thereby making her seek his validation in order to regain it. Here is a funny blog post written by a guy who conducted an unscientific, real-world experiment on the effectiveness of this technique. The bottom line is that it is manipulative, hurtful and mean. But it does occasionally work: on insecure women with already low self-esteem.
And what does it say about the guy doing it? People who drag other people down typically do so as a way of masking their own insecurities. If you are confident man, who respects himself and leads his life with integrity, then you wouldn’t be interested in this technique nor the women that it may attract.
Rather than dish out insults, a healthier and more effective approach would be to tease the girl in a way that you would tease your sister or your buddies. You love them and you like to poke fun at them; it’s done in good humor and without malice. If she is a fun girl, she’ll do it right back to you and you’ll like it. It’s called being playful and it builds attraction.
In the first scenario, you are being a manipulative asshole who might attract women with low self-esteem. In the second, you are being a playful guy who attracts women because he is fun to be around. Which one do you want to be?