As men, we always strive to be better with women but it never occurs to us that being too good can actually sabotage the results we seek. As you strive to be confident, charismatic, smooth and just plain cool, realize how this can actually backfire:
1) Women Can Be Insecure and Nervous Around The Guys They Like
We are so obsessed with appearing confident that we don’t stop to think that women also have their insecurities. Just like men can get nervous around an attractive girl, women can get self-conscious and nervous around guys they like. If you are too cool for school then that may involuntarily lead her to blow you off on the grounds that she feels like she just can’t measure up.
2) If You Are Too Smooth, She Won’t Trust You
If you are too smooth she may think that you are just a ladies man who is like that around all women. In other words she will feel like your attraction for her is not authentic and that you are just playing her in order to add to a pile of hollow conquests. It doesn’t matter whether this is actually true or not; it’s what she perceives. She’ll have fun being in your company but she won’t trust you and she probably won’t sleep with you.
How do you know if this is happening to you?
It’s quite easy. She will be smitten, she will be all smiles and want to be in your company but she won’t trust you. For instance, she might flirt and be clearly turned on but she just won’t allow herself to have sex with you. She may even accuse you of being a player or of being “too smooth”. It is kind of how you may feel around a really charming sales person. They might have great people skills and you may even enjoy talking to them but you know to keep your guard up. The ironic thing is that this is not just a problem that real ladies men have. It can happen to a regular guy who just happens to be hitting his stride on that particular day.
So if this you, how do you deal with it? There are two ways:
1) Own It
If she accuses you of being a player, ladies men or of activing like that around all the girls, own it. Do not apologize, deflect or attempt to explain away your behavior. There is nothing wrong with being attractive to women and owning it will only grow that attraction in her eyes.
2) Inject Some Vulnerability Into Your Interaction
There is a difference between appearing confident and as some kind of infallible smooth operator. You need to remind yourself that you are trying to connect with a human and humans connect with other humans. Allowing yourself to be just a little nervous or injecting some vulnerability into your communication can put her at ease. Confidence combined with vulnerability is a powerful potion that will make you more relatable and therefor trustworthy to a girl.